OK,OK, I have to assume from what's been said that you'll want the whole story on the bruising......

And as for the whoview - well here it is - a one time offer only - put WHOVIEW inside the tags of [ and ].
As for the

, the tap, and the vegemite jar.....well.......

You've heard of my struggles and perils with the evil, vicious, SOB lawnmower.......well, what can I say but it is wholly responsible for the activities of yesterday afternoon....
I decided to have a go at getting the SOB to start again after finally having gotten it to start last Sunday and do half of the lawn before it cut out.
So after 7-8 starts,

it managed to stay started.
I then was mowing out the front of the house and having on and off trouble with it - actually it had cut out again also - anyway, in front of the neighbours, I backed up straight into some bricks that DH had put around the water meter, which at our place stands about half a metre out of the ground, lost my balance on the impact and fell backwards landing with the tap handle up my

.

Luckily I had pants on and so didn't have the same problem as the guy with the vegemite jar.

Then, while out the back of the house I was doing a rather difficult bit of long grass along the fenceline and frustrated with the thing, backed up hard with the mower for added motion and strenth, and whacked the back of my hand a good one straight into the vertical support beam of the fence that sticks out a fair way. It was a combination whack and scrape in an effort to not crush my hand completely. Talk about idiotic things for the day!
Anyway so I hit it at the bottom left of my left hand near the wrist so that my whole hand hurts from every motion, and it came up a real beauty. Big, black - the size of a 50 cent piece and swelled up about 1 cm.
But after a while the swelling did go down thankyou, and it went to a nasty dark red colour with those little bits of flaking off scraped skin IYKWIM.
And I can see you all having a good laugh at my expense, aren't you, especially with the

bit.
Lucky I'm not lrj or I probably would have given a simultaneous demonstration of mt

prowess.