Wisdom of doing this . . . ?
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free_of_fem
19:00:23 Thu
Mar 31 2005
Wisdom of doing this . . . ?
The woman my ex has been seeing for over a year has asked me to join her for lunch. She's very covert in her intentions of such an encounter. Its not as though we've been close friends, or have direct business relations. My fears have been running wild about why she would make such a request out of the blue. I told myself a long time ago I don't want to involve myself in their relationship and I've done a respectable job of keeping my mouth shut when I see him repeating old patterns. So why would she all of the sudden seek me out ? My suspicion is it might have something to do with recent problems between my oldest son and his Father. I have no control over what is happening between them and I don't know that I could be any help.

As you can see my mind is full of what might be and its driving me crazy. Do you think its smart to go into such an uncomfortable setting with someone whose motives I don't trust? I feel like a nervous schoolgirl and this is very disturbing. I'm honestly not sure why I feel this way. Jealousy, maybe? Jealous of what? That she now has all the problems that used to be mine? I don't think so.

Once again I'm playing games with myself. Please let me hear from you if you have any experience with facing the next woman in your ex's life.
melaniemac
20:02:26 Thu
Mar 31 2005
Re: Wisdom of doing this . . . ?
One of the best things for me personally in my own healing was to talk to my ex's first wife. She helped me realize I wasn't crazy. Even though my therapist had already told me several times I was not, it meant so much to talk to someone who had already lived through the same experiences I had.

Now, going forward, my ex's current won't talk to me, but I would if she asked. I would do more listening than talking though. And no, I wouldn't focus on all the negative aspects of my ex. I would simply focus on what her situation was and what she is going through.

If you are not comfortable, don't do it. It will be awkward for the both of you. But remember, you didn't approach her, she wants to talk to you. And because she didn't say why, you really have no idea what she wants to talk about.

My two cents worth....

Mel


Wisdom of doing this . . . ?
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