"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.

"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer

"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Heal NPD :: Open Topic :: Silent treatment
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    jimmie
    Unavailable
    571 posts




    Mood Now: Headphone_Heaven

    Reply
    Silent treatment ( 13:42:36 MonApr 21 2003 )

    My son is 17 and has not officially been classified as NPD, but I believe in my heart that this is coming before too long. For as long as I can remember he has fled into himself whenever he gets mad him at friends, family, teachers and just about anyone else. The phrase walking on eggshells resonates for us because no one knows for sure what might trigger a silent treatment. His period of silence usually last anywhere from 24 hours to as long as 10 days. We are searching for understanding of what is happening in his mind during these periods. How can or should we react during a time of silence? Is there something we can do to help him learn to express these emotions?

    Thanks in advance.

      
    Mood:Mood Now: Headphone_Heaven ( Headphone_Heaven )
    TcBrown
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    Cyber Healing PhD
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    Mood Now: Bruised
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    Reply
    Re: Silent treatment ( 03:14:19 TueApr 22 2003 )

    Unfortunately I am very familar with periods of giving the silent treatment. Most often I have used this as a response when people did not do or give me something that I wanted and felt I deserved. (narcissistic disappointment). I've also used this as a response when people have threatened me by suggesting that I need stop drinking, or should think about therapy. For me the silent treatment is one of the many ways that I expressed rage. I usually used it with my parents, siblings or friends. It is very hard for me to express feelings of anger, or hurt, especially toward people I care about. Sometimes it is because I am afraid they will reject me for expressing this level of anger, other times it is because I simply do not know how to express how deeply an action has hurt me. The silent treatment amounts to narcissistic rage toward inward, as the person expressing the rage is also tearing themselves up.

    It has been very common for me to want to end a period of silence and not really know how to do it. For the most part it has not been in my makeup to admit that I might have contributed to a problem. My anxiety increases as I struggle for the right way to return to "normal" relations." My mother used to comment that my tantrums would usually last three days. The longest I can ever recall lasted a week and was a result of someone suggesting I needed therapy. More recently I still find myself in danger of that old trap. It is my goal to work through anger in less than an day with adults and in an hour or less with kids. Sometimes I do a better job than others at this .

    For friends, family, teachers, etc... I suggest that you not push too hard and try and force the person to talk in the heart of the storm. I know it is not easy to withstand these periods, but it is best to wait until the person shows a willingness to talk. It is very important to bring family and others together after such a period and try through the issue. The family needs to develop a better understanding of how your son responds to anger and what might trigger a response of rage. The more time that is spent wokring through the issues and leaving few simmering conflicts will eventually result in fewer periods of silence.

      
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    taransmith
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    Re: Silent treatment ( 20:29:40 TueApr 22 2003 )

    It's nothing something I'm proud of, but I also have a tendency to give the silent treatment, Mom says I inherited this from Dad, who says he inherited it from his Dad. Granddad passed away a few years ago so I guess the buck stops there. Not sure why I do it. My therapist has told me to call him when I get this mad. Sometimes I do, but NOT always.

    Do you think your son might be interested in joining our youth discussion?

    JUMPING LIMA Beans
    I really should be less blatant in recruiting new members.

    :littleangel:

      
    Mood:Mood Now: Mischievous ( Mischievous )
    jimmie
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    571 posts




    Mood Now: Headphone_Heaven

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    Re: Silent treatment ( 12:15:30 WedApr 23 2003 )

    Both the good and bad news is the silence ended sooner than expected. There was an altercation with another student at school which resulted in my son being suspended for two days. He came home and cursed out the school administrator. After getting that out of the system he got into a verbal battle with his younger sister. She tends not to sit back and accept abuse. Now is probably not the best time to get him to talk about what set off his initial rage. Luckily we have a session with the therapist on Thursday. Hopefully we can make it that long.

      
    Mood:Mood Now: Headphone_Heaven ( Headphone_Heaven )

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    The Healing Narcissism And Disorders of the Self Community is not affiliated in any way with any mental health professional or agency. The advice given is from personal experience and should never be used as a replacement for therapy from a qualified licensed professional. If you are having a real life emergency and live in the United States please call your doctor or 9-1-1.