"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.

"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer

"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Heal NPD :: Open Topic :: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing
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hestia
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 20:56:29 FriOct 31 2003 )

Today my husband moved out of our home, though we plan on going trick or treating with our son tonight. Our neighborhood is small, so all the kids walk around together in one big bunch-- it is so much fun, and fun is very healing...

Anyway, while he was packing and moving, I took my son to the Children's Museum. He played hard! It was fun! Though I am sad today, it is nice to let myself enjoy life anyway. Bikerboy is right. It is less exhausting to just skip the crisis... Glad you landed the job, Life!

  
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sooosadd
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 00:00:44 SatNov 1 2003 )

This has been one of the most difficult times of my life. My significant other was diagnosed with NPD almost a year ago. It was a devastating diagnosis, especially with the wealth of misinformation out there. I think I read it all!

I have found, however, that there is healing for the NPD and for me. The person with whom I have shared so much is improving because that person wants to be better. I am so happy and proud. I was so afraid that the misinformation was true. It is not.

I grew up believing and being taught that anyone can change who wants to do so. That is what is true. Hopelessness is not what an NPD'er is doomed to be. Hopelessness is not what the ones who care about those suffering with NPD are doomed to face.

I am better. I never thought I could be better. I had given up. I was sure that my life was over. I am by no means well. I am in therapy and will probably be in therapy for quite a while. My significant other is also in therapy and glad to be gaining new self-insight. Yes, there is hope.

I thought I would die from sadness. Sometimes, I am almost overwhelmed with sadness. Sometimes, I am still discouraged because of how far we each have to go. But, what encourages me is hope and committment to change.

The hope this board offers is special and important. It is integral to healing for those suffering for NPD and their friends and family. I am not alone. What I have experienced and what I feel are not so strange. The person I have loved so long is also not alone. My significant other joined this board after me. He visits often and has printed off many comments and quotes.

The challenges are tremendous and the obstacles are huge. It is hard to change, even when it is best to do so.

I don't think I will ever have a similar relationship with my significant other as we had in the past. I am no longer afraid of that. The future carries better things for us both, even though it is a separate future. I am grateful for healing, slow and steady as it is.

  
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sonicgrass
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 01:06:03 SatNov 1 2003 )

my first post; I am still dealing with the idea of NPD and that my husband has it. just boggles my mind, but I understand how this fits all the questions I have had for years about his behaviours.

the whole week i spent in constant agony, trying to pay attention to every detail, so I wouldn't get caught in another lie of his......

I started obsessing - about everything that had anything to do with him.....
then I remebered my paints ( something I'd put away ) so I renewed my own artistiry, and completely forgot I was supposed to worry.....
just keep going with the flow, forgivign when I can. The hardes is the lies, the second being the fowl mouth - his whole family curses like scum, something that I find horrific. not sure this will ever improve....... that's how that family communicates.......
I stick to my paints and the good quiet moments with my husband for now.
Monica

  
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trella
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 04:43:28 SatNov 1 2003 )

Tonight I got cozy in my place, lit candles and baked bread! It was a yummy loaf of french bread and the slices fresh out of the oven were so tasty. This is a moment of peace and contentment!! I wish I could capture and savor it forever.

The smell of autumn and the crisp air, early darkness..all make it mysterious and enchanting. I love this feeling!

  
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free_spirit_etc
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 04:57:38 SatNov 1 2003 )

Ohhhhhhhhhh! I read Tcs post on the warmth inside. Yes! I think warmth flowing inside is ALWAYS a sign of healing!!! Sometimes it just flows in one part of my body... but when it flows ALL inside - I would surely think that something has opened up...

I wish there was a way to tell when the light was shining in our eyes. I can tell it with other people - just not myself. I think there is something to that though.

I remember when I used to work with patients with Alzheimer's Disease - and everyone was so amazed with how well they we doing. I had first tried all the techniques the "experts" at that time suggested. Complete flop! So I started just "being with them" and letting THEM teach me... and they started doing better. What I realized later was that I was looking for that light in their eyes. Whatever I did that "lit them up" inside became a technique of sorts.

I also did this with my son. He was hospitalized for a long time as a teenager (around six months). I was told I would not be able to raise him at home. He "behaved" in the hospital. But his eyes were "dead." It made my skin crawl. I just kept thinking "I've got to get my son back." So - against all odds I brought him home.

It is very discouraging to look at a grade school year book. Almost ALL the kindergartners have that light shining in their eyes. In first grade you can see a couple of them who have lost that light. Year by year more and more lights go out. By the six grade - you don't see very many kids at all in the year book with that glow lighting up their face.

I think it has to do with the message we give children (and other people) so much that somehow who they are isn't quite "good enough." Over time - more and more people seem to finally "get" that erroneous message. it sinks in. I wish there was a way we could educate our children that didn't put their lights out.

I wish I knew a way to know when the light was shining in my eyes and when it isn't. I 'll have to pay attention to that and see if I can figure it out. I kow other people could tell me. Or maybe I could find a way to notice it in my body.

Free

  
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free_spirit_etc
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 05:23:06 SatNov 1 2003 )

Yesterday I took a positive step toward healing. I spent time with my b/f last night - just being WITH him. There is a lot of beauty in just being WITH someone.

Not that yesterday was all that unique. It's not that it is rare for me to spend time being WITH him. Yet I don't think a step toward my healing necessarily has to be something that is totally different that usual. The steps that I have down a little more "pat" than the others also count. Those are the steps that keep me steady and on the right path.

Oh! Wow! That reminds me. I haven't thought about this for awhile. Oh Wow! Even thinking of Tc's post about the warmth he felt. - I was having a REAL struggle with my relationship with my b/f - mostly about his detachment - and not showing a lot of feelings then. And I went to see a healer I know. We did some things and I got some "head" undertsanding of the situation.

Then later that day - a thought just came to me. The thought was "___(b/f) is WITH me." For some reason that was just so profound - and suddenly an eagle flew into my chest and warmth spread all over my body. Not a real eagle. But it was like an eagle flew out of somewhere and just flew straight into inside of me - in my chest. It was pretty powerful...

Later the healer told me the eagle carries a mesage from Spirit.

I DO know Spirit has led me to this relationship - which is why I steer clear of traditional counselors who would want to focus on helping me see I should leave him and take my belief that Spirit would lead me into a "dysfunctional" (in the traditional sense) relationship as an indication of my own instability.... and I don't want to try to explain "well... you see.. this ealge flew into my chest and said my b/f was WITH me.." LOL
Argh!!!!

Of course even Spirit and I argue about this relationship sometimes... I rarely win any of the arguments. In fact I don't think I have won any - but I am happy Spirit helps me vent sometimes....

Anyway... I did so enjoy being WITH my b/f last night.... I think I shall count that as two steps toward my healing... because I carried that step into today... by holding the specialness of it in my heart...

Free

  
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TcBrown
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 11:35:27 SatNov 1 2003 )

sooosadd- I;m glad you found hope. I believe your right that a large part of healing is deciding we are willing to make a committment to heal. This is hard work, but if we want to heal and learn to live life then I believe anything is possible.

sonicgrass - I'm glad you took the paints out of the closest. Arts can be such a powerful way to give expression both to our pain and to nurture healing.

free - I really like the idea of your just being there with your boyfriend. I know a lot of my own healing is learning to be present in the moment and not allow my fears, anger, etc. to control me. When I allow myself to be present is when I feel the warmth and see the light within myself and others.

Its freezing outside this morning but I feel a growing warmth inside of me. I'm about to do my meditiation and welcome another day. My eyes are beginning to open and beaware that life is a much better experience then I feared for so many years. Today I am doing the best I can, tomorrow I shall do better. :biggrin:



---
You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self . .. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime , you are the only one you will never lose.

~ Jo Courdt

 
 
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jimmie
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 12:22:17 SatNov 1 2003 )

Last night I stood in silent witness for peace, justice and humanity at our regular monthly vigil here in Miami. Every time I come together with this group of people I experience a spark of life where I see the light coming from my fellow human beings. This spark is enough to keep me coming for some time. It is a definite warmth that my soul requires.

  
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Hewhoshouldnotbenamed
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 13:28:18 SatNov 1 2003 )

Yesterday I did something I honestly never thought I would and it felt great. I treated myself to a full body massage .I arrived feeling tense and grumpy and left with some of the warmth others are talking about. Its one of the few times where touch has felt good.

  
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taransmith
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Re: 1,000 positive stepping stones on the path to healing ( 14:44:29 SatNov 1 2003 )

As I was going about my regular business yesterday I found myself thinking about this thread and I had this feeling of being aware, as though I was looking for the good things in life. Nothing extraordinarily spectacular happened but it was a good day, maybe because I'm learning to be aware and appreciate what's happening around me.

  
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