"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.

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"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

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Heal NPD :: Open Topic :: Jerry Garcia
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Dracula
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Jerry Garcia ( 00:23:15 FriApr 22 2005 )

My Dad, and to a lesser extent my Mother, are Deadheads. I recall how my dad idolized Jerry Garcia. He still does this to a certain extent but when I was growing up it felt like everything my brothers and I did was compared to Jerry Garcia. Even though I was living in a deadhead house I never understood what the big deal was. I came to intensely dislike the Greatful Dead and the racket my Dad constanly blarred through the house.

Now as I start to look at myself and others I wonder if my Dad might have created some kind of fantasy about how we boys should grow up to be Garcia clones. Although all us boys have our strange quirks none of us has ever come remotely close to being anything like our Dad's hero. I used to laugh about this but now I wonder if the disappointment he must have felt about us not living up to his expectations caused him to be so emotionally distant from us?

Since I started thinking this way about my Dad I've kind of looked at myself to see if there is any truth in me that what I see in my Dad that I don't like is really something happening in me. Got that? So I do put people on pedestals like is suggested in the DSM that NPDers tend to do? I don't think so. I tend to push people away rather than idolize them and think there is one person or type of person I want to be like. Perhaps I'm missing somehting real in myself? If so I don't see what it is. So I'm wondering if you guys go around putting others on pedestals in a way that you are aware of and if so how did you become aware of it?

  
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malison
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Re: Jerry Garcia ( 03:46:18 FriApr 22 2005 )

I am not sure if I do.. but probably. How can you tell the difference between having a specific person you feel unusual affection, respect and admiration for, and someone you have placed on a pedastel?

  
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Re: Jerry Garcia ( 14:51:57 FriApr 22 2005 )

Perhaps I'm out of the loop of what NPDers are supposed to do because I don't believe I put others on pedestals. If anything I relate most to a complete disdain of others where no one really lives up to my expectations. Isn't this something that's normal for us folks?

  
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Re: Jerry Garcia ( 15:44:01 FriApr 22 2005 )

Quote: malison at 03:46:18 Fri Apr 22 2005

I am not sure if I do.. but probably. How can you tell the difference between having a specific person you feel unusual affection, respect and admiration for, and someone you have placed on a pedastel?


I believe the key is whether you are seeing this person for who they really are, or whether you have a fantasy or ideal image of who you want them to be. There's nothing wrong with having special affection for someone if you really are seeing the real person, faults and all.

I know I really resisted bigtime the idea that I was putting others on a pedestal for pretty much the same kind of reasons bradley mentions. It wasn't until somewhere along the line where my therapist helped me see that my reason for putting others on a pedestal was to knock them off again once they had failed to live up to my image of who they should be. Once I saw this I began to see a pattern of this kind of behavior over and over again throughout my life. I doubt fairly seriously most of the people I had such thoughts about had the slightest inclination that was happening, because they saw how I distanced myself from them after they failed to live up to who I thought they should be, or perhaps who I needed them to be.

This pattern is something that got me into some trouble because I tended to be jealous of the fantasy image of these people and went out of my way to beat them back down to a more humble personhood. My style of doing this was I suppose passaive-aggressive to a degree, with me being the one who paid dearly for it in the end.

Its far too easy to place celebrities and other public people on a pedestal. We see their public image and we create a picture of who they are and how they are important in our life. Its also easy for these celebrity sorts to get knocked off the pedestal if they show a shortcoming of any kind. I have never paid a lot of attention to the whole deadhead thing but it sounds as though lots of people placed Jerry Garcia on a pedestal. I just really don't understand why they did this, but that's just one of many little questions in life I make no claim to understanding. :dance:

Tony



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Instead of quoting the Budda, be the Budda, be "the awakened one," which is what the word budda means.

Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now"

 
 
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Re: Jerry Garcia ( 18:19:00 FriApr 22 2005 )

This is very interesting to me because I've sometimes wondered about my husband as far as whether he might be placing certain people on perches. In hindsight I think we each did this to one degree or another throughout our marriage. Maybe its just me but I think there are degrees of doing this, none of which are healthy, but some appear to me to be more pathological than others. I wish I knew everything that has gone through his mind. Maybe we could have saved each other a lot of pain and turmoil?

  
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Dracula
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Re: Jerry Garcia ( 22:15:49 FriApr 22 2005 )

If I do anything like placing others on pedestals it would definitely be with an intent to knock them off so that makes it a little clearer. I'm not sure if I do this or not. My psychologist would probably tell me if its a question that won't go away it means I need to search deeper.

Speaking of psychologists and therapy in general, don't mean to be obnoxious but don't we tend to develop kind of a pedestal level relationship with these people? Maybe its just me but I feel that's almost the object of at least some aspects of therapy.

  
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malison
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Re: Jerry Garcia ( 13:17:28 SatApr 23 2005 )

Now that I think about it I suppose I do have a sort of revolving pedastel in my mind. In a way all my important relationships take place using it. Just part of fantasy -vs- real connecting I guess. I probably spend alot of time angry and disappointed with people for infractions I've imagined, that don't fit with my ideal image of who they are. Wonder if this somehow ties into being honest with yourself about your own flaws, and being up front with others about them when you meet. Pedastel prevention?

  
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