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Heal NPD :: Open Topic :: Devaluing a relationship
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Mood Now: Hardcore_Headbanging
Post Mood: Hardcore_Headbanging

Devaluing a relationship ( 00:39:49 MonApr 25 2005 )

Can someone help me understand what is meant by devaluing a relationship? I saw this referenced in a recent thread but it was no expanded on in much detail. I can guess the general idea that was being talked about but I'd like to hear more of if this is something common or restricted to NPDers. Just curious.

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Re: Devaluing a relationship ( 16:33:16 MonApr 25 2005 )

This is something talked about extensively in the victims boards. I believe it to be little more than a label given to the painful feelings a person experiences when a relationship is based on conditional rather than unconditional love. Personally I've found it be most commonly used to cast blame and guilt and to suggest one person is totally responsible for the relationship not meeting the needs of another. In reality the person who is accused of devaluing a relationship is in pain as well because their expectations or needs have likewise not beenfullfilled. The pain experienced here is important, the title of devaluing is worthless. Some common examples I've heard of the alleged devaluation process are affairs, silent treatment, not keeping promises, not being emotionally present, etc. Again all of these are important in and of themselves but they are all symptoms of illusions of love, or conditional love, rather than a specific "devaluation."

Instead of quoting the Budda, be the Budda, be "the awakened one," which is what the word budda means.

Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now"

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