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Heal NPD :: Open Topic :: just figured out one of my fears - being a snob
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kay_neich
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just figured out one of my fears - being a snob ( 04:06:21 ThuApr 28 2005 )

i know this has been a pretty irrational much to do about nothing, but good god have i spent heaps of time going over past spoken and written conversations i have had with anyone checking, rechecking and rechecking again in case i have caused offense, hurt or acted as if i didn't care for other pts of view.

similarily, i hate walking away from situations for fear people think i leave with my nose up in the air and am really turning my back on them. i realise this is just a prob of my own ego and projections of thoughts. have also read that it is known as a specific set of circumstances presented to psychologists that can be treated. it can be seen as amounting to OCD (see Steven Phillipson via Grohl's pages). but i don't think it's that far on in me necessarily.

i used to manage by reminding myself, correctly, that i am not responsible for what others may or may not think and thus i must get on with my life. but then started worrying if this "mantra" would eventually end up indeed as an excuse for not listening. i've been on the receiving end when this kind of statement felt pretty much like lip-service.

i also come from a family where you'd be called "a real littte madam" by just respecting your own boundaries - usually i'd end up nervously laughing with them about being uppity. so it was a bit of a thing not to be a "snob" growing up, i spose - especially against the background of what i heard about one side of my family coping with racism. ...and also in being tough in coping with whatever was thrown at me. the humour from my family was pretty ok in itself, i think - but over the years along with other things, maybe a few thoughts congealed together a bit oddly :bump:

but this week instead of seeing snobbery in myself or others or in ranting away to myself about my own limitations, i've reminded myself that if we were all able to understand the things impinging on each other on whoever we have contact with, we'd probably be fine with what each other has to do to carry on in life peacefully and lovingly, when this is what both parties are attempting in their own ways.

(what a bloody long and convoluted sentence...)...

this may seem a long way around and idealistic, but i feel it's away of reminding myself that i'm not negating the other, nor preventing myself from incorporating the thoughts of another at a more feasible time.

it was bugging me, as is the pimple that is drawing something chronic on the inside on my nose right now! my thoughts to all those sitting finals.

posting erratically just until i regroup again,
k

  
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kay_neich
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Re: just figured out one of my fears - being a snob ( 11:02:32 ThuApr 28 2005 )

i wrote this after staying up studying til 3am the night before, and everything is going so well that even tho' i need to keep going and keep the momentum up, the other half is dying to have a chat about everything and anything and wonders if i've lost the skills of dealing with social situations. and so i end up ruminating.

another 12 hrs sleep and things will be better. i lost track f the importance of pacing myself. fresh start tomorrow, and i've just heard from a dear friend. so will write her back before too long.

k

  
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TcBrown
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Re: just figured out one of my fears - being a snob ( 12:05:43 ThuApr 28 2005 )

I also have a fear of being a snob. For years I looked at my oldest br other and was appalled by his blatant racism, and general disdain for other people who were not like him. It seemed nobody was good enough in his eyes. My Mother has for years said things to the effect of "I don't know where he came from." Well, a couple of years ago I developed a little more appreciation of who he is and how he came to be that way. It seems our Father grew up in a very racist family, something evidently my Mother either never knew or chose to ignore. In my conversations with my Father I see he still has some of the same attitudes that have really bothered me in my brother for years. I've never confronted my Father on this because I don't see any real benefit in doing so. I am very at peace with my ability to accept people of different race, religion, etc. and that's all that matters. I cannot control how others view the world and I have no interest in trying. If we all focus on healing our own wounds I think snobbery is a fear that will slowly fade into the background.



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Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you? Greg Baer.
 
 
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taransmith
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Re: just figured out one of my fears - being a snob ( 03:29:13 FriApr 29 2005 )

Something is on my mind a lot of late which might be kind of hijacking the intent of this thread but I think its closely enough related not to start another just like it- so here it goes.

When I started school in the fall I connected with some people who seemed to be the kind of people I wanted to relate to. We have a lot of the same kinds of interests. At least I thought we did. As time has passed I have come to see a lot of things about this group which are making me very uncomfortable. Some of the things they do are wrong morally and others are bordering on illegal. They are a very hateful group which goes against how I was raised. At the same time I feel like I've developed a kind of disdain for them because they are not living up to my expectations. Now I want these people to stay away and they don't seem to want to leave. Sometimes I feel kind of like a snob because I've found they are not my type. I still don't want to associate with them but I don't know how to go about getting that across without making it seem really crude. So I tend to play both sides and hang with them some and hate every minute of it, and sometimes talk about them behind their back. I don't like this but so far I haven't figured out a better way of handling these people. I guess there is a better way. I hope so.

  
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kay_neich
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Re: just figured out one of my fears - being a snob ( 06:03:25 FriApr 29 2005 )

as i say, my mouse has just gone flying across my desk & tabbing to any position takes time i must factor in. so just will say briefly Taran that i can fully relate, as i can to Tony too here. i have this prob even when i like the people, but must leave. if you decide to walk away, try to take heart in that you're walking away with peace and - um - with a humility of knowing there's good & bad in all of us, if that doesnt sound too cheesy. we just have to go where we can grow in a healthy way for us.

kia ora again to everyone
k

  
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kay_neich
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Re: just figured out one of my fears - being a snob ( 06:22:57 FriApr 29 2005 )

um, Taran, sorry, i've just reread and i guess it's hard when they won't stay away from you.

  
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kay_neich
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Re: just figured out one of my fears - being a snob ( 12:03:01 FriApr 29 2005 )

“I have this prob too, even when I like the people…”

That is, when I must leave due to time restrictions or discontinue the way I was getting involved, just because of other priorities.

Btw, talking about this helps me understand my mother and her quiet way of dealing with when people looked down on her. I used to wonder why she would always tell me not to end up doing the same things back.

  
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