"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.

"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer

"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

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zachery
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Never had this problem before ( 20:10:01 FriApr 29 2005 )

There is a new woman in my office that I am attracted to. We've had a few very light conversations and I'd love nothing more than having a chance to get to know her better. Perhaps asking her on a date or something. All of the sudden my self-esteem has hit rockbottom and my brain doesn't not what to say. I feel like a shy little kid making eyes at the girl on the other side of the room. Always before I stormed in will all kinds of confidence. Now I feel she'll either reject and humiliate me or turn out to be a lunatic. I know this is very judgmental and all that Doo doo but its how I feel. Any suggestion s on how a gun shy guy can regain his lost confidence?

  
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Re: Never had this problem before ( 20:28:50 FriApr 29 2005 )

Just think if you never allow yourself the chance to ask her out!

I'm a shy guy, too, and I just got rejected on my last date. But I'm so glad I did it anyway. For one...the social interaction practice. Also, being seen out in public with a cute guy, shows I am living life.

Rejection is not actually bad, because...unless you're Quasimoto, you'll get a date sometime. The more practice with rejection...well, the easier it'll be to take!

Right now you have two choices. The first is to not ask her out which stifles all possibilities. The second is to ask her out, which carries possibility.

Ask her out! If not today, soon. Maybe next week? It's best to ask out soon after the attraction blossoms.

Hopefully I have boosted you a bit...that being said, know any cute guys...send 'em my way....I'm too bashful to ask 'em out myself. :smile: Just kidding.

Funny how we're better at offering advice than we are at taking our own. Heehee.

  
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zachery
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Re: Never had this problem before ( 20:43:11 FriApr 29 2005 )

I know your right. More accurately part of me knows your right. The part that isn't listening seems to be in control. Which is why I'm glancing away every time she looks in my direction. Its Friday evening and I have nothing better to do. At least if she rejects me I'll have the weekend to lick my wounds and maybe start looking for another job :evillaugh:

Wish me luck. I'm going to try asking.

  
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jimmie
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Re: Never had this problem before ( 23:47:16 FriApr 29 2005 )

There's so much love in the air its gotta be Springtime. I love it. Zach, listening to your description it may be that your coworker has an interest in you and is also feeling a bit shy. I'm glad you are taking the chance and hope it turns out well for you. I've got a dinner date with my wife to celebrate just being together.


  
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zachery
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Re: Never had this problem before ( 00:35:34 ThuMay 5 2005 )

I took the chance, she said no. Says shes seeing someone. I felt like I was standing there in my underwear. Not the first time I've had this feeling. Is this what people mean by feeling their emotions? I've been trying to hide from her all week.

  
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Re: Never had this problem before ( 14:29:35 ThuMay 5 2005 )

Congratulations on taking a chance. Standing in underwear, haha, great way to put it.

Hey, I was standing in my underwear last week when the guy I asked out said he wasn't interested. So there's two of us standing in our underwear. If you look a little closer, you'll see millions of people out there who asked someone nice out on a date, were told no for whatever reason, and are currently standing in their underwear.

It's scary, but congratulations on taking the initiative.

And welcome to the underwear club.

  
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TcBrown
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Re: Never had this problem before ( 03:16:57 FriMay 6 2005 )

Its probably not a lot of consolation but pretty much everyone stands in their underwear sooner or later. I guess this is kind of one of the things we risk with relationships. Its this kind of fear that prevented me from taking chances for a long time, so I appreciate the risk you took and think even though it didn't work out this time there is reason for opptimism in the future.



---
Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you? Greg Baer.
 
 
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Re: Never had this problem before ( 04:23:01 FriMay 6 2005 )

I ditto this


Quote: TC

....I appreciate the risk you took and think even though it didn't work out this time there is reason for opptimism in the future.


Maybe think of it as a numbers game, keep trying and your number will eventually come up.

Oh and imagining all us standing around in our underwear is a scary thought...... :scary: :shocked:

I'd call the feeling you described 'vunerably naked' and I would also like to suggest that you stop hiding...

After all she's already seen you standing there in your underwear so if you can get thru a few more ackward moments it will be ancient history. :flush:

And applaud yourself for facing that fear and bravely trying. :claphands:

:beerchug:



---
Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.--Michael Pritchard
 
 
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