"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.

"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer

"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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Inverted
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I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 18:49:55 TueApr 19 2005 )

What brings you to heal NPD?: I have NPD or narcissistic traits

Whoohooo. After a year and a half I finally worked up the courage to ask a cutie patootie boy out on a movie date. :biggrin:

I'm, of course, nervous and a flutter. I am so guarded cuz of fear of revealing someone that the guy might not like. I am afraid of coming across like a dork, or insignificant.

But...this is my first date after entering therapy...so, I get to approach it differently. Hopefully confidently. I'm just SO afraid of rejection. Also, I am no good at the dance of socialization. I just want to skip right ahead to the ultimate goal: SEX! Of course, he has to want that, too. Darn. Well...anyway....I'm one nervous guy this week, but I'm looking forward to going out with this boy. Maybe I should not really expect anything, just going out. It's hard. I mean, I have the wedding already mapped out in my head...but can't have him fit a script! Oh well. Baby steps.

Any of you scared of social situations, too? Dates? Any advice for a nervous NPDer ready to take first new step in years?

The last time a date went wrong I tried killing myself because it didn't go the way I thought it would. So you can imagine my fear this time out (I wouldn't do that again this time).

  
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Re: I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 22:38:18 TueApr 19 2005 )

Congtatulations for taking this step. I'm not an NPDer but I think I understand the kind of fear you may be feeling. Relationships are both exciting and terrifying at the same time. Given my history I'm probably not the best one to give out advice on this subject. Let me simply say be yourself and allow the other to be themself. If it was meant to be things will somehow work out.

  
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jimmie
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Re: I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 01:56:45 WedApr 20 2005 )

Man, its been a long time since I dated so I don't know how valid any advice I have will be for you. Maybe I should refer you to my son. He thinks himself to be quite the ladies man. :evil:

A couple of things do come to mind. I think there is a certain amount of healthy narcissism involved in the dating process. We are trying to put our best foot forward. It seems that we often are so focused on the shiny first or second date that we overlook all the little quirks that come with this new relationship. I think the best way to work through this is by making a conscious effort not to expect anything from this date. Just go out and have a good time and enjoy yourself. If something is going to happen it will happen in its own way without you trying to control the process. I think you'll enjoy it more if you don't try and write the ending before developing the people in this relationship, if you know what I mean.

  
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TcBrown
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Re: I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 13:14:04 WedApr 20 2005 )

Greetings, Inverted. I think taking the step of beginning a
new relationship is both the most exciting and in some ways scary thing a person can do. I have come to a place where I want to explore sharing my life with another person, but taking this step means leaving ourselves open for what feels like intense inspection. My best advice is to be truthful with yourself and your friend about how you are feeling and talk about your fears as well as the positive things going on. You might be amazed how letting someone know you are human and not some robot void of emotions makes a big difference in how they respond. We NPDers have very tender emotions, its just very difficult for them to surface. Like others are suggesting if you relax and trust yourself things will work out the way they are intended.

Have fun and please tell us how things are going. We do enjoy hearing the good as well as the bad things in relationships! :smile:

peace

TC



---
Instead of quoting the Budda, be the Budda, be "the awakened one," which is what the word budda means.

Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now"

 
 
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Re: I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 15:11:23 MonApr 25 2005 )

Hey all! I had a nice date this weekend. We saw Sin City (hmmm, not the most romantic movie,eh?) and had a good chat. I told him next time the movie can be at my place. :puppylove:

I went into it not expecting anything and I had a good time. We'll see if he responds. I'm in an okay place now where I feel some worth. So if this guy isn't into me, well, I won't take it personally. I'll just keep my eyes open for the next cutie. Glad to know I've grown in the past year, and not taking things so personally. It feels weird doing the things that everyone does. The narcissist in me wanted to distance from the "everyday" routines (like dating). But I'm finding it is not so bad doing the things everyone else does. And, hey, I'm meeting cute guys! :biggrin:

  
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Re: I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 15:39:49 MonApr 25 2005 )

Wow!!! That is great! You sound like you had a really good time and that you'd be ok if you didn't hear from this guy again.

It's funny, I was just talking to my younger brother last night who is in his early 30's. We were discussing how dating often feels more like a job interview than a date!!! You are so busy sizing up the person to see if they'd be the perfect life partner/parent etc. you forget to just relax and enjoy yourself!!

Glad you had a good time!!

Mel

  
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TcBrown
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Re: I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 17:01:10 MonApr 25 2005 )

I'm glad you took the chance and had a good time. I would agree there is a very uncomfortable comparrison between dating and job interviews, but I think I prefer dating.




---
Instead of quoting the Budda, be the Budda, be "the awakened one," which is what the word budda means.

Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now"

 
 
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Re: I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 14:46:40 TueApr 26 2005 )

:whenpigsfly:

Well, the guy I went out on a date rejected me.

Of course, my bottled up rage is like "what! how DARE". And I had mapped out in my mind how successful we'd be together, so I'm pretty hurt.

BUT...going out on dates, liking the person, and being rejected is part of what everyone goes through. This is my turn at that.

My fear of abandoment is triggered. Will I be old, ugly and lonely? Am I really that unattractive?

And then the rage...this guy dated other guys that I feel I'm better looking than. So, why am I rejected? Gay men can be so superficial.

:sad:

Kinda tender and bruised now. Gonna go retreat into a cave. But hey, I took a chance, I lived in the real world. Cool. Now I have to figure out how to be okay with rejection. At least the guy was nice about it.

All the nastiness I went through as a kid, dang it, don't I deserve a loving man to call my own?

  
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TcBrown
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Re: I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 16:34:03 TueApr 26 2005 )

Rejection sucks big time. No need to sugarcoat that this has to be one of the worst feelings of all time. I'm sorry you had to experience the rejection but excited you took the chance in the real world. There will be other cute guys. Who nows the next one might prove to be even cuter in some ways. Its good to take some time to yourself but don't hide in the cave and get too feeling to sorry for yourself - this is a good way to begin letting the ego say you are a victim of lost love, or something along those lines. Okay, is now a good time to introduce the Lonely Narcissist Club?



---
Instead of quoting the Budda, be the Budda, be "the awakened one," which is what the word budda means.

Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now"

 
 
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Re: I Gotta Date! or: When Pigs Fly ( 18:19:17 TueApr 26 2005 )

Thanks! I appreciate your kind responses! In a way, the rejection is just a normal stepping stone of life. At least I'm engaging in it this time! Thanks! (Retreating back to cave for a few more days, but no more).

  
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