"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer

"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Heal NPD :: Family and Friends :: Latest Email Exchange Who's Online | Stats | Memberlist | Chatroom | Search | Lost Password | Shout Box " ShoutMix chat widget Healing becomes possible when all parties in a relationship come to see each other as co-creators of the relationship rather then attacker, and victim.   Can't start a new thread. (Host Only) Can't start a new poll. (Host Only) Can't add a reply. (Host Only) Can't edit your posts.(Everyone Registered) Register :: Log In :: Steering Committee The time is now 12:19:32 Tue May 21 2013 Welcome, Register :: Log In   Friends of Narcissus active in this forum: Friends of Narcissus active in this thread: Beloved and cherished GUEST(s) of Narcissus 3 human beings online in the last 15 minutes - 0 Friend(s) of Narcissus, 0 covert NPDers and 3 Beloved and cherished GUEST(s) of Narcissus. (Most ever was 57 at 01:37:31 Fri Sep 11 2009) Pages: [ 1 ] Quick-JumpWelcomeHOPEOpen TopicAsk a NarcissistResourcesOpen Topic: Members OnlyRecovery Room IITender Emotions [ < ] [ > ] melaniemac Offline 627 posts Host Human Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Latest Email Exchange ( 20:49:38 ThuMar 11 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper What did separated/divorced couples do before email? Anyway, here's the latest round, how do you think I did? He was obviously trying to get me to fight with him. So, did you decide what's up with the weekend? I don't think C is well enough to hang out in a cold hockey rink all weekend, do you? K would probably be ok. Mel you can keep C if you like but this is a stadium not a rink it is a comfortable as any house. If he hasn't improved the travel maybe tough on the other hand he may get more sleep than ever hmmm, so what did we decide. The games go pretty late do they not? Are you even going to have flying weather? Or do you just want to switch weekends altogether? Mel I was told by you there is no switching if I miss a weekend I forfeit my time with the boys THAT'S IT! So I am not prepared to switch because I loose time with my boys. If you want the boys overnight tonight, then overnight next Tuesday and then next weekend (the 19 - 21) or something along that line that would be just fine. Mel This goes back to our argument last week about me not being allowed to call him anymore for any reason, ever. The whole switching weekends goes way back to the car argument (when I told him if he was going to give up his time with his boys to go down to the states to pick up this car. I could not support that. That's him buying a $30,000 vehicle while I'm driving a 14 year old car with 300,000 km on it while he refuses to pay child support...) I'm still waiting his reply. I'm sure it won't be pleasant. If he still makes a big deal out of it I will just tell him he can't take our youngest as he has such a bad cold and leave it at that. Mel Mood: Mood Now: ( Peaceful ) Post Mood: ( Loving ) ameera Offline 220 posts Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Re: Latest Email Exchange ( 21:55:17 ThuMar 11 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper What do I think? I think he sounds very, very, very COLD, which of course = (Angry, hurt, scared) I think you kept it very non-confrontational and to the point, which is probably the best you can do under the circumstances. But hey, who am I to advise. I'm in a similiar situation, and I can't figure out what to do! --- Into every abyss I still bear the blessing of my affirmation . . . I live in my own light. I drink back into myself the flames that break from me - Nietzsche     Mood: Mood Now: ( Tired ) Post Mood: ( Sick ) melaniemac Offline 627 posts Host Human Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Re: Latest Email Exchange ( 21:58:03 ThuMar 11 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper The rest of the story... I was told by you there is no switching If you want the boys overnight tonight, then overnight next Tuesday and then next weekend (the 19 - 21) or something along that line that would be just fine. Mel The boys will be with me this weekend C will stay home. However, you are more than welcome to switch weekends. It might do the boys good to spend some time apart. Mel Mood: Mood Now: ( Peaceful ) Post Mood: ( Loving ) melaniemac Offline 627 posts Host Human Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Re: Latest Email Exchange ( 00:45:17 FriMar 12 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper And so it continues... No boys or all boys. I'll take your switch but I expect better treatment regarding my time with the boys from this date forward. they belong to me as much as you DO NOT FORGET THIS! How do you like them apples! Mel Mood: Mood Now: ( Peaceful ) Post Mood: ( Loving ) Balbrenny Offline 444 posts Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Re: Latest Email Exchange ( 02:02:06 MonMar 15 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper Mel, I think that you did well with keeping the tone of your emails non-confrontational. What struck me was his statement that the boys belong to him as much as you. This sounds like he views them as a piece of property to be divided up between you. My ex used to make similar claims eg "This is my son and I have a right to ..." I don't know what the legal situation is in Canada but in Australia parents do not have any rights over their children, only responsibilities to care for them. Children, on the other hand, have the right to know/visit their parents, grandparents and significant others. So when my ex used to say things like that, I would just point out that, in law, the children are individuals with rights, and not property that is owned by either of us. He has responsibilities to them but no rights over them. Take care Linda Mood: Mood Now: ( Optimistic ) Post Mood: ( Optimistic ) melaniemac Offline 627 posts Host Human Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Re: Latest Email Exchange ( 02:28:24 MonMar 15 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper Hi Balbrenny, Thanks again for your support. I know here once the kids are 12 they have a pretty big say in where they spend their time and with whom, but until then, I don't think they don't have any say. I haven't really delved into the law that greatly yet (I keep saying I'm going to do something and then wimp out!), but I had one lawyer explain it to me like this - "Even crack dealers get access to their kids!". So there you have it. I know he loves them, but it is the kind of love he received. Highly conditional. And yes, I think to some extent, he does see them as "property". I have thought that often, and he often tells me that I am "using" them against him. This goes back to the projection thing... Every time I received a response I just felt like he was trying to draw me into yet another argument. And I can't do it anymore. I'm too tired to fight him. I won't. I won't give in to him, but I can't play these petty games anymore. He hasn't even called them since that night. It amazes me how he can talk to his girlfriend several times a day, yet go for days on end without communicating with his own flesh and blood. I will never understand that part. Thanks again for listening. Mel Mood: Mood Now: ( Peaceful ) Post Mood: ( Loving ) ameera Offline 220 posts Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Re: Latest Email Exchange ( 17:43:23 MonMar 15 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper Mel. his girlfriend is meeting his needs at this time, going along with the script. When she starts to push for too much or cross the line, he will treat her the same way as he does you and the kids. --- Into every abyss I still bear the blessing of my affirmation . . . I live in my own light. I drink back into myself the flames that break from me - Nietzsche     Mood: Mood Now: ( Tired ) Post Mood: ( Tense ) melaniemac Offline 627 posts Host Human Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Re: Latest Email Exchange ( 03:20:07 TueMar 16 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper And today... Subject: Boys Regular schedule this week Tue till 8:00 Thurs overnight this is not my weekend I'm starting to get the feeling switching weekends would somehow mess up his plans. Before Xmas he had the boys stay at his mom's on his weekends. Since then, they have stayed at his girlfriends, while her 12 yr old daughter takes on the responsibility of watching the boys. Even if he is not playing in the band, the boys inform me that daddy goes out in the evenings. The one time they did stay at his girlfriends' before xmas, her daughter was not around (she has three, but only the twelve year old lives with her, her 17 yr old and younger one live with their father). The schedule changed at xmas to the opposite weekends. I'm starting to be very suspicious the reason he doesn't want to switch is that the "built in babysitter" won't be available. I hate thinking that way. Mel Mood: Mood Now: ( Peaceful ) Post Mood: ( Loving ) TcBrown Offline 2954 posts Cyber Healing PhD Eat your heart out Pacific Western Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Re: Latest Email Exchange ( 03:24:56 TueMar 16 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper Email does make this kind of exchange even more exciting. Obviously I'm behind but I'm looking forward to catching up (assuming I can figure out how to make this blessed machine work But I regress. My concern here is that your kids are seemingly in danger of becoming a thing rather than real live people. Its as though there is a contest to see whose going to get "Check mate" Unfortunately I think email adds to this experience. Maybe a deep breath from all side and take a moment to contemplate these lives are very dependent on you doing what what's right. The real world is far too easily lost in the fog of the Internet. --- You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self . .. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime , you are the only one you will never lose. ~ Jo Courdt     Mood: Mood Now: ( Bruised ) Post Mood: ( Tired ) melaniemac Offline 627 posts Host Human Mood Now: Post Mood: Reply Re: Latest Email Exchange ( 17:26:36 TueMar 16 2004 ) Options Reply Quote Report To Mod Last Posts Ignore User Global Ignore Whisper I don't think it is more exciting. I find it nerve wracking. I dread opening up my email in case there is another one from him. It took us an entire afternoon to come to the conclusion that we did whereas one 15 minute phone conversation could have decided the whole issue. My concern was that my youngest has had a bad cough and head cold for three weeks now. My ex is fully aware of it and has even administered the medication. The U of W hockey games are late and then they go hang out with the team after as his brothers' son plays on the team. It is well past 11 pm before they head back to the hotel. Far too late for a three year old with a cold. Also, as it turns out, the series went to three games and they would not have been home until Monday. Far too an exhausting weekend for our youngest son. I feel I am the one who has to champion for our sons as he generally fits them into his life, rather than make arrangements that would work out for everyone. Although in talking to other mothers, I don't think that this is something exclusive in our relationship. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel I am getting better at communicating with him and hope I can continue in the future. Mel PS, TC hope you get your computer troubles worked out. I know how frustruating that can be! Mood: Mood Now: ( Peaceful ) Post Mood: ( Loving ) Pages: [ 1 ] Quick-JumpWelcomeHOPEOpen TopicAsk a NarcissistResourcesOpen Topic: Members OnlyRecovery Room IITender Emotions [ < ] [ > ] BbRing CORRTJ   Can't start a new thread. (Host Only) Can't start a new poll. (Host Only) Can't add a reply. (Host Only) Can't edit your posts.(Everyone Registered)Total Friends of Narcissus: 3951 Can't start a new thread. (Host Only) Can't start a new poll. (Host Only) Can't add a reply. (Host Only) Can't edit your posts.(Everyone Registered) Register :: Log In :: Steering Committee The time is now 12:19:32 Tue May 21 2013 Powered By BbBoard V1.4.2 © 2001-2007 BbBoy.net Community created 3.10.2003 The Healing Narcissism And Disorders of the Self Community is not affiliated in any way with any mental health professional or agency. The advice given is from personal experience and should never be used as a replacement for therapy from a qualified licensed professional. 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