"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.
"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer
"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.
Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?
A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Healing becomes possible when all parties in a relationship come to see each other as co-creators of the relationship rather then attacker, and victim.
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Re: Where do I draw the line? ( 21:27:16 MonMay 3 2004 ) |
This is such a good question. I too contacted my ex-NH's first wife but only AFTER we were divorced. I didn't want to drag her into my affairs or make her feel like she had to make a choice to help me in any way. I really wanted to tell her I was sorry for buying into his Doo doo and smear campaign against her. I unknowingly did some things and said things that hurt her and I really wanted to make amends for my behavior.
Our conversation was short but she graciously accepted my appology and offered her sympathies because she did the divorce/custody battle with him herself.
Apparently, her son had told her some of the stuff his father had said and she reminded him that he spread the same lies about her.
His present and third wife called me and started asking me questions about him, his lies, etc.., after they got married. I did enlighten her only to the things I could definitely prove and that had to do with me. She thinks she is the "real wife", the one who can fix this 50 year old man. I told her she better accept him for who he is because up to this point, he's not interested in recovery. I also told her that she really should have asked before the ring went on her finger. As I expected, she rationalized and justified his behavior and problems with his assistance. In a nutshell, she chose not to believe me anyway.
If it were me, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with my ex-HN's future divorce, break-up, etc.. It was hard enough to get rid of the guy and I really don't wish to open that door again. Maybe that's selfish but that's were I am at this point.
I am also leary about people who come to me wanting information from me in an effort to "help" someone else. Gives me a bad feeling.
Good luck to you. Let us know what you decide.
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