Heal NPD :: Family and Friends :: Venting, Confusion and Reality Check

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Myfriendabby

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Venting, Confusion and Reality Check ( 15:20:13 FriMay 21 2004 )

My husband and I had a marriage therapy session yesterday which has left me questioning my sanity a little bit. At this point I in our relationship I feel I have a renewed sense of clarity. I have taken a step back, got a clear view of where we are and how I have contributed to our situation. I have done my own internal work, setting healthy boundaries and standing firm in my attempt to establish a more reciprical relationship. It is obvious that the "new me" has sent my husband reeling because I am no longer playing the game his way. I see our last couple of therapy sessions as delicate dance of coaxing him into a new way of thinking without calling attention to the fact that his current way of thinking is seriously flawed. He seems to have latched on to those postitive strokes and turn a deaf ear those that are critical of his thought process. Now he seems more defiant than ever. His personal therapy sessions have become much less frequent, I don't even think he has one schedule at this time. I understand that approaching him to harshly may very well cause him run but knowing him like I do, I don't think he will ever accept any responsibility unless it is served to him on silver platter. :bolt:

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Mlashtok

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Re: Venting, Confusion and Reality Check ( 19:05:07 FriMay 21 2004 )

Abby,

This is very frustrating, I know where you're coming from. My dad also refuses to focus on his real issues and denies everything that he perceives to be an attack on his self-image. Unfortunately I haven't found a way through yet. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink :frustrated:

Good luck,

Matt

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You know, of course, where this other world lies hidden. It is the world of your own soul that you seek. Only within yourself exists that other reality for which you long. I can give you nothing that has not already its being within yourself... All I can give you is the impulse, the key. I can help you to make your own world visible. That is all.
- Herman Hesse, Steppenwolf

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TcBrown

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Re: Venting, Confusion and Reality Check ( 19:22:28 SatMay 22 2004 )

I believe what you're describing is fairly common among those of us with this disorder. It seems to me that your husband is actively engaged in a pattern of avoidance. NPD is about protecting our false self image and it sounds as though at some level someone has gotten through deep enough that he is feeling fear and anxiety. Which would explain staying away from the therapy and maybe even looking for the way to skip out of the back door.

I don't really know that its possible to serve responsiblity on a silver platter. I think he needs to have someone show him its possible to feel his real emotions and own them. At this time he'll no longer feel the need to run away. This is one of the biggie goals of therapy.

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You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self . .. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime , you are the only one you will never lose.

~ Jo Courdt

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