"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.

"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer

"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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Healing becomes possible when all parties in a relationship come to see each other as co-creators of the relationship rather then attacker, and victim.

 
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    4 human beings online in the last 15 minutes - 0 Friend(s) of Narcissus, 0 covert NPDers and 4 Beloved and cherished GUEST(s) of Narcissus. (Most ever was 57 at 01:37:31 Fri Sep 11 2009)

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    weissfamily
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    What does anyone make of this? ( 18:41:37 TueJun 1 2004 )
    The continuing on again, off again relationship between my wife and our children is off again. This time the damage might be much farther reaching than other times even though I honestly believe she thinks she's acting in the best interest of the kids.

    The deal is this. It seems she's landed a temp job which is set to run through the summer. Its her opinon that she does not have time to devote to the children and work. SO the work has won out. She asked me to convey this message to our children. I guess its too much of an imposition to do so herself....

    You may remember that the kids were balking at spending time with her this summer. Regardless they're upset that they've been left behind. The oldest feels abandoned, the youngest cries whenever the topic comes up. I find myself not sure how to respond. Do I stay focused on the positive and say at least we'll have a summer to do a lot of stuff, or should we begin to deal with old wounds and look at life with Mom playing little or no role?

      
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    melaniemac
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    Re: What does anyone make of this? ( 19:34:06 TueJun 1 2004 )
    Youch!

    I have been in a similar situation for years. It always seemed like myself and my children played an insignifigant role in my ex's life compared to work, the band, his brother, his airplane. And that continues. He still cancels dates with his kids to go play in the band or do many of the other things he has to do.

    I think maybe you should do both. Focus on the positive, that they were not looking forward to the time with their mom and that you can plan many fun things to do together. But also let them know that she has many of her own issues to deal with and that she can't always be there for them and that they can come to you and express their hurt and anger at any time. One of the things my counselor has told me many times is that often as children age and become less dependant on the NPD parent, that parent loses interest. I would make it very, very clear to your children that this has nothing to do with them and is all about her and where she is at this point in her life.

    Take care,

    Mel

      
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