Healing becomes possible when all parties in a relationship come to see each other as co-creators of the relationship rather then attacker, and victim.
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Cyber Healing PhD
Eat your heart out
Re: The lies and intentional misleading are driving me crazy ( 19:53:52 TueAug 17 2004 ) |
Crazy lying is one of the trademarks of this disorder. In summary when a person lies in a situation where its obvious to all concerned its a lie, or if there is no obvious real/or preceived benefits from the lie, or if the person might actually be putting themselves in a more awkward situation by lying than telling the truth they are considered to be engaged in "crazy lying". Your husband's job situation is a classic situation of crazy lying and to a certain degree lying about his former girlfriend is as well. Although that's kind of a gray area because I can think of reasons where he might have thought he was doing you a favor not telling the truth. His reasoning might be severly flawed but perhaps not to the level of this kind of lying.
Mel is right that even if you could crawl inside their head chances are you would gain only limited insight because you don't see things the same way as a person with this disorder might.
My perspective is much different than Matt's in terms of why we lie. Both in my own personal experience and what I've observed from others much of the lying associated with this disorder does not serve a good reason. Rather it most ofen serves to bring trouble to our lives that we really don't need.
In the heart ofmy acting out on NPD I was famous for some really, really gitantic lies. Lies that were so elaborate that people could not begin to understand why I put such time and effort into that level of deception. Well, I think I finally have an answer to that question. At the time it was kind of like a game of catch me if you can, or how far can I take this before you fools figure it out. I admit I was stunned at how far I could take most things, but that's kind of another story.
In reality I was calling out for help. Challenging people to see through me and rescue me from myself. It was a game. A game that very recently I started to understand left a long trail of very confused people wondering just what in God's name was going on. The funny thing was there was some self-preservation going on, the kind that allowed me not to look at myself. Here again we are back at the myth of Narcissus and the idea that Narcissus will live a long life unless he comes to know himself. This kind of lying can often be said to be an effort to prevent us from ever knowing ourselves.
Kind of strange, but there you have it,
You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self . .. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime , you are the only one you will never lose.
~ Jo Courdt
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Re: The lies and intentional misleading are driving me crazy ( 18:33:19 FriAug 20 2004 ) |
My bf does the same thing, having the "catch me if you can" attitude and other traits some of you have pointed out. He contradicts himself, telling me he did something, like paying a bill, then will say he told me he said he was GOING to pay it, not that he said he DID pay it. Silly me for misunderstanding him ...Looking me in the eye saying he's not high on coke when I can sure as day see the signs, but didn't see him doing it, so I'm mistaken, or maybe looking for something that isn't there. I take these as them trying to have the upper hand, making us think there is something "wrong" with us. You can't prove them wrong, and even if you can, you still can't because they are right and everyone else is wrong. I would love to know also how to respond to this, or maybe whether not to respond at all. Very interesting topic...
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