Heal NPD :: Family and Friends :: Another Lovely Chat with my Ex... (BTW

Here is a little background. My ex moved out a year ago and we have never signed any formal documentation in regards to child support or custody. As it is, we play the schedule by ear and he has not paid any child support. We did sign an informal document stating that he would see the boys alternate Tuesdays, Thursdays, weekends and have them for an evening the Tuesday following his access weekend. He often cancels time with the boys and leaves it up to me to offer suggestions as to when that time gets made up. If I don't offer, he does not make suggestions as to when he would like to see them instead.

About a month ago I told him that we would have to cut out the Tuesday after his weekend because it just was not working for me or the boys. They come home that evening bitchy and cranky and won't go to bed. They have not had a long enough time to get back into their routine. At the time he said "Well, that's not half time". I said "well, we'll have to work something else out because that is just not working". He never did come up with a suggestion and frankly, I am tired of always being the one suggesting the time he spends with his kids.

I honestly believe that if he wanted his children half the time two things would have happened by now. A) He would have legally tried to gain 50% access to his children, or at the very least suggested a schedule to me that would see he gets them 50% of the time. B) He would spend his time with them actually with them rather than sending them to the movies with babysitters, having his girlfriends 13 year old daughter babysit them the majority of the time or having them spend the night at his friends' houses.

I would probably not even mind agreeing to 50% access if I felt that the children would in some way benefit, but based on all that has gone on in the past year, they would not.

Just this last weekend the boys came home and my oldest was telling me a story about how Gord's girlfriends daughter had cut her sister with a knife. I said, It must have been an accident. My son said, No she did it on purpose. I said, well, what did her mom do. He said, she slapped her across the face. I said, well, did she say she was sorry to her sister for cutting her? He said, No. She is a bad girl. I said I don't think she's a bad girl, I think she's just doing the best she can.

So anyway, when he dropped the boys off on Sunday he said "See you in two sleeps". Meaning that he would see them on Tuesday. So I sent him and email Monday morning that said

"I think you may have forgotten that we discussed you not seeing the boys the Tuesday after your weekend. It just doesn't work.

Thanks,

Mel"

I received this response:

"I want the boys 1/2 the time this will have to made up"

Since my lawyer just mailed a letter yesterday informing him that I had her on retainer and that we would like to discuss "further parenting arrangements and child support issues" I decided it best not to respond to the email at this time.

This afternoon He called and here is the conversation:

"Mel what is with not letting me have the boys on Tuesdays?"

"We discussed it about a month ago, It is just not working"

"You said it's not working for you, but how is it not working for the boys"

"They are cranky and bitchy. They need more of a routine"

"Well, what are you suggesting"

"That you don't see them on those Tuesdays"

"So you are saying one day a week and every other weekend"

"Yes"

"Well, that is not half time"

"I never agreed to let you see them half time."

CLICK

I tried calling him back, but as usual, he would not take my call.

After about ten minutes I tried again and he answered. I said "Please do not call and hang up on me"

He said "f--k You" and hung up.

Now, if a person was really serious about seeing they're children half the time would you not say something to the effect "Well, I really think I deserve them half time and would like to know how we could arrange it" or something. Not just phone the other person, speak to them in a nasty harsh tone and then hang up on them?

Anyway, it matters not as it is in the hands of my lawyer now. I will add this latest conversation to my documentation and wait to have the courts sort it out. Although, I really don't see how he is going to end up with more than one day a week and every second weekend... But if he does, so be it.

That's my latest story. Not really looking for any advice, although I'll take any that anyone has to offer. I mostly just needed to tell my story.

Thanks, have a great day everyone!!

Mel