GUESTof Narciss |
Asking for input from an N ( 04:00:55 WedNov 17 2004 ) |
I don't quite know how to begin this, since as with all of us our stories are heartbreaking and detailed, so I'll try to jump to the point.
My ex BF left his wife, moved in with me and within 3 months the lies began ( or I started catching them) I let him know from the get go, that I would work with him on anything and everything, but would not put up with being lied to. It made hurt me to feel that he didn't trust me enough to be honest with me.
Anyway fas forward a few years, he began a "friendship" with another woman, I highly suspected there was much more than that, and ultimately it came down to "cut all communication with her or we're through and you can move out"
He lied and said they weren't talking, then came back and said no, I won't end my friendship with her. So out he went...
I recently heard from his stepdaughter who is quite concerned about her mother, whom it seems is being swept up again by my ExBF, and who was suicidal for months after he walked out on her w/o a word of explanation. Her daughter wanted to know if I thought N had changed, or if he was still out to lie and manipulate and would end up hurting her mother again.
What could I say ?? I told her about his "friend" on the side, all the lies he told me, and we pretty much compared notes on the last 6 years. She then took that info to her mom, whom in turn confronted the N about it ALL !!
Needless to say, damn near 6 years of lies came crashing down around his ears, a month after I had ended all contact, because I had warned him that he would lose what little we had left, if he lied to me just ONE MORE TIME.. He did, and I said "no more, goodbye, goodluck you're a cruel inhumane monster who doesn't care about anyone elses right to the truth. You don't lie to spare feelings, you lie to get what you want and keep what you have. Stay out of my life and don't ever contact me again"
I apologize to those with NPD, but the pain and disappointment is truly crushing to those who want to and try to, love you. He told me he had never in his life been so loved (me), and that I was the first person he had allowed to see w/o his masks. I loved THAT man more than I could ever put into words. He was my soulmate, my best friend, my lover, and my "partner in crime" the man I never thought I would lucky enough to meet. And he quite often called me the same (unpromted).
I'm sure he hates me for pulling the curtain away from all of his lies. But I did it for 3 reasons..
1.) Yes to teach him a lesson and to put an end to all the fabrications in his life ( if he can mess with my reality, why can't I prove his fantasy false ?) At least now everything and everyone knows about what's been going on. It's a clean slate for him to either start lying about again, or be open about.
2) I was seriously concerned about his wife's mental health and strength. her daught made no qualms about the fact that she wouldn't be able to take another "direct hit" from N.
3.) and I guess it was my way of making him so angry that not only would my side of the bridge be burned, but so would his.
So my question is this... Can any healing come from this ? For any of us ? He has been in therapy for 6 months ( which is why the escalating lies were so incredibly disappointing to me) and one thing he wrote in his last letter to me was " I just wish you understood that it is not my intent or wish to hurt you. it's just a coping mechanism, I can't control all the time, but I am trying to learn better ways"
I feel awful for "ratting him out" but at the same time, I truly believe that "the truth can set you free"
Opinions ? thoughts ? Anger ? Sympathy?