"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.
"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer
"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.
Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?
A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder
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Re: Apple peels in the sink ( 22:40:59 ThuMay 12 2005 ) |
My experience is only of being with a person with npd for 4 years but we lived together for a couple of those years and having been engaged to him and combined familes and all... I felt compelled to respond to your post.
I know the feeling of having to handle all the important decisions, at least up until he had enough of support to decide to sell our house and toss me out. Like your cell phone, and his lack of one... I would be the one to straighten those matters out. I think sometimes we are on high alert living in order to avoid upsets. My ex-fiance was not typically one to yell too loudly, but loud enough and in his own mind not ever loud at all, he didn't yell. My kids as well as his own would seek the shelter of their rooms or their sony walkmans. We weren't as fortunate as deckhanddaughter in that our relationship has ended. I've made an email mistake and wounded him pretty severely. I agree with TC, the anger is hidden and vented in safer issues such as apple peels. When I moveed out of the house with my kids, I had handled everything, and prepared the house for sale as well. The story could go on forever. There is a strength in knowing that as people we are equipped to handle adult things, bills moving etc, the things that require us to be responsible. I can honestly say, I have no joy in my heart as to what the outcome of this relationship has been for me. He feels all the problems stem from myself and had said over and over agin he supported me in my healing, but there was never any allowance for my feelings. Things just didn't survive.
At least you are getting to some of the root of the problem. I don't know that taking a stance and not just getting a new cell phone for him, will show him anything more than rejection and he's apt to feel more anger. That is how my x-fiance would have responded. I found myself always doing ....just to keep the peace, I'm still recovering.
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