"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.

"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer

"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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What is it about the OW? ( 21:15:52 FriSep 24 2004 )

My exbf has some serious NPD traits, emotional immaturity and lying being the two most obvious. About 3 months into our relationship, he started seeing his exgf. For 2 years he went back and forth between us. He has taken her on several vacations, had her host parties at his house, the works, but he would always end up at my doorstep when the parties and vacations were over. I have recently ended all contact with this man. My question is why would he need to keep her in his life (they have been "together" for about 7 years)? He has left her to start 4 relationships which have obviously never worked out, but always has her around. What is the draw to this woman who he claims is not "veil material"? Is she like a mother figure to him? He has done some pretty hurtful things to her, but God love her she still hangs in there.
Thanks for this forum, I have gained so much insight into this disorder.

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Cyber Healing PhD
Eat your heart out
Pacific Western

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Post Mood: Happy

Re: What is it about the OW? ( 19:50:18 ThuSep 30 2004 )

Sorry for the delay responding here but one panel member is on the vacation, and another is still in the process of moving and basically insanity rules. Hopefully beginning this weekend a little sanity will return.

Meanwhile, I cannot pretend to guess what might be going through the thought process with your boyfriend. It could be that he feels very insecure and that this other person offers him something that he needs , perhaps something that was deprived during his very early emotional developmental period.

It sounds as though this has been going on for a very long time (2 years). I think the best way to address this is to speak with him in a very honest manner without mentioning NPD or any other disorder. Talk with him about the behavior you are seeing and express your feelings. If he is unable or unwilling to make changes and/or seek therapy than you will eventually need to consider if its in your best interest to end the relationship. Remember you cannot force another person to heal and throwing labels around that might or might not fit will likely only make matters consierably worse.

You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self . .. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime , you are the only one you will never lose.

~ Jo Courdt

Mood:Mood Now: Bruised ( Bruised ) Post Mood: Happy ( Happy )

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