"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.
"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer
"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.
Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?
A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Healing becomes possible when all parties in a relationship come to see each other as co-creators of the relationship rather then attacker, and victim.
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Am I one of "them"? ( 19:31:51 TueMar 29 2005 ) |
I am confused! Lately I have been told by my spouse that I'm a narsissist. In fact, this is the reason why she broke up with me after a three year relationship. To be honest, I was pretty surprised by this diagnose. Actually the diagnose was made by a relation-therapist, after I had seen her once during one single 45 minutes session. Now since then, I've been searching the internet for informtion about this disease. Many sites publish a sort of check-list on how to recognize one. Surely some of the "symptoms" fit me too. But then again, many of these symptoms actually fit a great amount of people (I think). For example: "A narsissist appears to be a charming, helpful person". What about the people who simply are? At the same time, many of the symptons do not even remotely relate to my personality. I even discussed this diagnose of my spouse with a friend of mine,who is a retired psychiatrist. In her opinion I am really not a narsissist. Still it troubles me; Could I be one??? Or is it a delusion of my spouse? She has herself a history of being depressed, has been in a mental institute many years ago after several suicide attempts and often has feelings of being a victem (of about everything). Actually she also believes now that her father is a narsissist too. In any case, I am worried and confused. On the other hand, I don't really think I am and neither does any of my close friends or relatives, on the other hand; What if there is some truth in it? How do I find out?
Please enlight me!
Cyber Healing PhD
Eat your heart out
Re: Am I one of "them"? ( 19:37:33 WedMar 30 2005 ) |
I guess my question is do you feel as though there are things about yourself which you do not understand and wish to heal? If not, chances are it really does not matter what others say because you are not at a place to take a serious look at yourself. However, if you are serious about taking a deep look within yourself in an effort to become better connected with your true identity then a couple of things stand out in your post.
First, there is no way anyone can make an accurate diagnosis of NPD based on one 45 minute session. NPD is something that in order to be diagnosed correctly is the result of observing behavior over a period of time and looking honestly at how your personal interactions with others have been throughout your life. You will find that many of the best professionals will stay away from labels such as NPD because they overgenalize certain behaviors and it often works to the reverse end of connecting with your true identity.
Second, if you are sincere about healing you need to have a focus on avoiding blaming either yourself or your wife, or suggesting she has more problems so I (you) must be okay. That's really going to get you nowhere in the effort of healing, and instead will lead to more separation.
Remember the checklists or tests found on this or other sites are at best a starting point for determining what might be happening within you. They are not designed and should not be used as a replacement for a professional diagnosis. Only you know yourself well enough to have a feel for whether such a professional evaluation would be of benefit for you in terms of making peace with yourself and how you interact with others in this world.
Instead of quoting the Budda, be the Budda, be "the awakened one," which is what the word budda means.
Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now"
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