Netiquette for the Healing Narcissism and Disorders of the Self community
Dear members and guests
Thank you for your interest in participating in our support community. Experience has shown us that the deep wounds associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) brings forth very intense emotions, misunderstandings, and other damaging forms of interaction. Some of these feelings are deeply seated as a result of how persons with these disorders are treated in various other online communities discussing NPD. In an effort to be respectful of others in their pain and efforts at recovery we have developed a new paradigm of discussing this those affected by this disorder. We have learned that new members and guests coming into our community from another online NPD location often unintentionally step on toes of our members, which results in periods of confrontation, hurt feelings and anger that could have been avoided had we been clearer about how we communicate with each other in this community. So rather than expecting people to read our minds, or search through thousands of messages searching for precedent we have decided to offer a brief explanation of the netiquette that has become pretty well accepted within our community. Please save yourself and others unnecessary stress and hassle by taking a moment of your time to read and follow these suggestions.
1. In referring to people with NPD we have learned that the Internet standard of referring to people as N’s is offensive because of what it has come to mean in those other communities. Therefore, we have adopted a practice of referring to people with NPD as NPDers, a person suffering from NPD, or some variation consistent with these examples.
2. If you are talking about experiences with a person in your life who may be NPD please stay away from referring to him/her as “my NPDer”. Such references give the impression of thinking as people as possessions such as a dog or cat. Remember that NPD is about what a person may be suffering from and is not their identity. Please make the extra effort to refer to people as my husband, wife, child, boss, co-worker, or whatever the case may be.
3. Please refrain from references and suggestions that all NPDers do or don’t behave in a certain way. Few things start a cat fight faster than suggesting that all people with this disorder do or don’t conform to one behavior or another. Questions or comments should be asked in such a way that you are wondering if its possible that someone with this disorder might behave in a certain way, rather than implying that you are all referring to all NPDers. ( i.e. My husband expects rewards for performing household chores such as mowing the lawn or cleaning the garage. Is this something that people have experienced in dealing with this disorder? )
4. Please speak for yourself rather than assuming you know how another person would respond in a given circumstance. In other words say something along the lines I believe my spouse would say “blah, blah, blah." Start sentences with I believe, I feel, I think, rather than My spouse would do this, that or the other thing.
5. Please avoid references to people with NPD being evil. There aren’t many things which are taboo in this community, but this is one as we are about healing the wounds and respecting humanity. If you cannot understand this than this is not the place for you.
Peace and happy trails
The Healing Narcissism and Disorders of the Self community