Rock n Rolla :: Advice Columns :: Backhanded Compliments

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4 people online in the last 60 minutes - 0 Canucks, 0 Canucks In Hiding and 4 Visiting Canucks. (Most ever was 233 at 09:22:13 Fri Sep 21 2007)

valjean

I'm Asleep

299 posts

Mood Now:

Backhanded Compliments ( 04:39:33 SatApr 2 2005 )

Dear Pru,

I would appreciate some sound advice. I am a skinny lass (always have been considered 20 pounds underweight by no fault of my own) and am not proud of it. I was mercilessly teased for years about being an apparent anorexic. My larger co-worker, who knows this, thinks it's flattering to bestow upon me "compliments" such as "Oh, gosh—eat a Twinkie already, would you!?" whenever I mention trying to eat well. After several back-handed compliments like this, I finally told her today that I wished she would not say such things to me. After I stopped talking to her, she asked if I was angry with her and then apologized, saying that she thought she was complimenting me. In the past, this co-worker has stated that once she loses some weight herself, she wants to be a "healthy" weight—not a bag of bones. I'm left to wonder, how the heck is this Twinkie business a compliment? I'm at a loss about how to handle this woman. Her abrasive "joking" is starting to burn my britches. Please advise.

—Twinkied Out

Dear Twink:

The Twinkie business isn't a compliment, it's a needle. And you are far too sensitive. You've already asked her to knock off the skinny talk, and if she can't do it, ignore the digs. If you're feeling snarky, try putting a package of Twinkies on your desk. Sometimes the unspoken is very powerful.

—Prudie, sweetly

Peppergal

I'm Hiding

516 posts

Mood Now:

Re: Prudie 3/31 - Backhanded Compliments ( 05:03:27 SatApr 2 2005 )

or return like with like. sometimes those who dish it out should have a healthy helping themselves.

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There are three kinds of people in the world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't.

valjean

I'm Asleep

299 posts

Mood Now:

Re: Prudie 3/31 - Backhanded Compliments ( 07:32:53 SatApr 2 2005 )

Quote: Pepper

or return like with like.

Ya think?

In my experience, this only makes it worse. Most needlers escalate. They are a little short in the sensitivity and respect departments to begin with.

Peppergal

I'm Hiding

516 posts

Mood Now:

Re: Prudie 3/31 - Backhanded Compliments ( 19:25:59 SatApr 2 2005 )

I think it depends…some times a well timed zinger will shut someone up.

It also depends on the true spirit of the "needler." Is the person really trying to be rude or do they just think they're funny?

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There are three kinds of people in the world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't.

TragicallyHipper