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11 people online in the last 60 minutes - 0 Canucks, 0 Canucks In Hiding and 11 Visiting Canucks. (Most ever was 233 at 09:22:13 Fri Sep 21 2007) |
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siblygirl  I'm Asleep  1000147 posts  Mood Now:  
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Dear Ann Landers: You recently published a letter from a reader who was angry that four different physicians didn't tell her she could lower her blood pressure if she lost some weight. The woman wanted to know why her doctors failed to mention this to her. I am a physician who has been in practice for several years, and I would like to respond to her question.
Long ago, I learned that if a physician wants to drive a patient out of his (or her) office permanently, there are two magic sentences that will do it. One is: "I think you should see a psychiatrist." The other is: "You need to lose some weight." I have a file in my office with notes from fat former patients (and their fat relatives) cussing me out royally because I had the unmitigated gall to broach the subject of dropping some pounds. I no longer tell my patients they need to lose weight. They already know it. I only hope they occasionally look in the mirror. -- Doctor in Bowling Green, Ky. Dear Doctor: Sorry you have been a victim of the "kill the messenger" syndrome. I hope it will not discourage you and other physicians from telling your patients what they need to hear. To do otherwise would be abdicating your responsibility. Perhaps instead of lecturing, a better approach might be to give (or mail) the patient a diet and say, "I hope this will help you have a healthier and happier life."
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siblygirl I'm Asleep 1000147 posts Mood Now:
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Dear Joseph,
My greatest fault is that I am overweight. I have many other good qualities. I am successful in my work, my young adult children are productive members of society. I have friends and get along with all of my family. There is little in my life that is out of control but this one thing. My husband feels that my being overweight is a direct reflection on who he is--that somehow it says to other people that he is defective because he chose to marry a thin person who became overweight. I am tired of not being able to have a close, comfortable relationship with him because I never know when he is going to say something that will crush me again. I accept full responsibility for my overweight--I blame it on no one but myself. But I really just want to be accepted for who I am, not what I look like. My question is: Is it immoral for a person to be overweight, particularly in the context of marriage? Do I “owe” it to my partner to be thin? Thank you for your response. Overweight and Insulted Dear Overweight and Insulted, Are smokers immoral? Are diabetics who break their diet immoral? People who drink liquor and then drive a car act immorally, but giving in to the normal range of human frailties--when they don’t directly harm another--should not fall into the category of immoral. It’s too emotionally charged, inappropriate, and counterproductive a word in this context. By the way you write, however, it sounds as if you believe you could control your weight pretty easily. If that is the case, then why don’t you? For if you can control your weight without extraordinary effort, I do understand your husband’s annoyance (though obviously such understanding in no way justifies his making comments that “crush” you). You say that, “I just want to be accepted for who I am,” and yet, when you met your husband you were thin, so he perhaps had the right to expect that that’s a part of you are.
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siblygirl I'm Asleep 1000147 posts Mood Now:
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Dear Amy: My brother and sister-in-law have two daughters, ages 7 and 14. The 14-year-old weighs more than 200 pounds, and the 7-year-old is also very overweight.
My sisters, mom and I have been concerned with this problem for many years. We have tried to suggest exercise, healthy food habits, etc., in a kind and caring manner only to have my sister-in-law's response become very defensive. The family continues to frequent fast-food restaurants, and they buy excessive amounts of food and candy. My sister-in-law tells us there is nothing she can do to help her older daughter in particular because she is old enough to sneak food. Also, my mom has tried talking to my brother, who insists that the girls are exercising and eating right. What, if anything, should my mom, sisters and I do? Nothing seems to change in their eating and exercising habits. Should we just sit back and watch them eat themselves to death? --Very Concerned Aunt Dear Very Concerned: Because your constant efforts to get this family to slim down aren't working, I'd like to suggest an alternative. Do you realize that every time you come up with helpful solutions for these kids, what they hear is: "You'd really be great and I'd really like you a lot if only you weren't so fat." I know you're trying to help, but when you point out their obvious defects, you could be making things worse. The reasons that members of this family are overweight might be very complicated. You can help by accepting, loving and noticing all of their great qualities, beauty and talent more than you notice their size. When they are with you, demonstrate healthy habits and choose active, fun things to do. What I'm asking you to do is much harder than putting them on a diet, I assure you, because I'm asking you to swallow your disapproval. A book I like on this topic is "The Ultimate Weight Solution for Teens" by Jay McGraw (Free Press, $15.95).
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silver_linings I'm Asleep 1745 posts    Mood Now: 
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Well, let's just say that I can see both sides to this.
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silver_linings I'm Asleep 1745 posts Mood Now:
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I think her husband is being very superficial - and, not to mention, shallow!!
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silver_linings I'm Asleep 1745 posts Mood Now:
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I agree with Amy's advice!!
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paulgro  I'm Asleep 686 posts    Mood Now: 
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I don't think the writer is a doctor myself. Fat isn't a medical term I've read.In some cases blood pressure has to be treated with medicine because it's way too high. If that's the case a diet would help but not cure the problem only the medicine would…
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paulgro I'm Asleep 686 posts Mood Now:
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If she doesn't have medical problems then her husband needs to get a life and so does this Joseph guy…
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Oowatanite I'm Asleep 2965 posts  
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well, i believe that doctors are supposed to use tact in bringing that sort of stuff up - and, also, suggest other alternatives to losing weight. i mean, nobody really likes being told that they're fat - so there really is no polite way to suggest that someone should lose weight.
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Oowatanite I'm Asleep 2965 posts
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i disagree with joseph. if the letter-writer's husband truly loved her - he would accept her for who she is on the inside, instead of judging her for who she is on the outside.
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TragicallyHipper  I'm Asleep 7322 posts  Mood Now: 
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As Oowatanite said!!
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Dr_Pimple  I'm Asleep 105 posts  
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Dear Overweight and Insulted,
Hand your hubby over to Dr. Pimple - and Dr. Pimple will hypnotize your hubby - so that he will think you're thin and pressure you to gain weight instead of losing weight. ~ Dr. Pimple
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Holly_Green I'm Asleep 1246 posts  Mood Now: 
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Yes, I say, just back off!!
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Oowatanite I'm Asleep 2965 posts
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yeah, and mind your own business.
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silver_linings I'm Asleep 1745 posts Mood Now:
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I agree, Paul!!
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Peggy_Garfunkel  I'm Asleep 4510 posts  Mood Now:
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You're right.
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april_wino1  I'm Asleep 3245 posts  Mood Now: 
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Right, I agree!!
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Holly_Green I'm Asleep 1246 posts Mood Now:
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Well, I'm sure it's not very professional for doctors to use the word 'fat'.
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AprilWineChick  I'm Asleep 7847 posts  Mood Now: 
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Yes, get your nose out of other people's businesses!!
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AprilWineChick I'm Asleep 7847 posts Mood Now:
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Yes, if her husband cannot accept her for who she is - then he's not being a very good husband.
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