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5 people online in the last 60 minutes - 0 Canucks, 0 Canucks In Hiding and 5 Visiting Canucks. (Most ever was 233 at 09:22:13 Fri Sep 21 2007) |
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siblygirl  I'm Asleep  1000147 posts  Mood Now:  
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Dear Annie: The letter from “Feeling Good in Las Vegas” opened the door to a subject I've never seen mentioned before -- people who look grumpy but aren't. I inherited my father's weak jaw, small mouth and bad teeth. Now in my 60s, my face is collapsing, leaving deep wrinkles and a drooping mouth with the corners perpetually turned downward, giving me such a dour look that store clerks avoid eye contact and little children shy away. “Vegas” found that putting on a slight smile helped a lot. She's lucky. When I smile, it looks smirky and forced.
Perhaps your column will get folks to realize that many “grouchy old people” are really very nice and we have a lot left to offer. -- Feeling Bad in Texas Dear Texas: No one should judge a book by its cover. Nonetheless, you might want to work on that “smirky and forced” smile. Ask your friends to help you find a more natural-looking expression, and then practice until it becomes comfortable. What do you have to lose?
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retro_chica  I'm Asleep 5872 posts   Mood Now: 
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Well, I guess it depends on how the comments/questions were phrased - and the tone of voice that gets used. I'm sure that just about all of us here can agree that it's nice to have people be concerned for us when we're feeling upset. However, it can also be very annoying for people to ask us why we're not smiling when we're not really down. I mean, I can't exactly walk around smiling all the time. When you're in one of those stoic (?) moods - not feeling "on top of the world" happy, but not feeling "down in the dumps" sad either - then you're not going to be smiling, because you're not especially happy (even though you're not especially sad either).
The bottom line is, there *is* a difference between a concerned friend asking 'are you okay?' - and some nosy busybody asking 'why aren't you smiling?' in a manner to put you on the defensive.
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Canada rules!
paulgro  I'm Asleep 686 posts    Mood Now: 
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I'm a guy and don't walk around with a smile on my face every minute and hear just what the letter writer does and it is annoying. No I don't hate the world. Some people just don't smile all the time…
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TragicallyHipper  I'm Asleep 7322 posts  Mood Now: 
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This hits so close to home with me. It's because I have this friend, Julie, that I'm really close to who came from a home whose father demanded that she and two sister smile at all times. It was not a suggestion or a request. It was a *rule* - as in, it was a command - as in, there were punishments for breaking the rule.
Her father would belt Julie and her two sister everytime he caught either of them not smiling. One day, Julie was beaten uncouncious - after her father savagely belted her for crying. What happened was, one day sheJulie was home alone - she was feeling really sad - and she felt the need to cry. Because her father wasn't home, Julie felt that it would be okay to cry - and wash her face before her got home. What Julie didn't realize, though - was that her father had surveilence cameras all over the house. So when her father came home - he watched the video. Then he roughly grabbed Julie, pointed to the video where Julie was crying - and screamed, "What is this, young lady!!" Then he grabbed his belt and belted her until she was unconscious - and the he left the house. Later on, Julie's older sister came home - saw that Julie was unconscious - and called 911. Julie was in the hospital for about a week - and she and her sisters were sent to a foster home - while the father got arrested for child abuse. So, it's very understandable when Julie would get snippy if someone asked her, accusingly, why she wasn't smiling. 
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paulgro I'm Asleep 686 posts Mood Now:
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I've heard of Jerks but this guy is on top of the list.If I said what I really want to say I'd have to edit myself. Hope he got many years and had a prison mate to straighten him up!!!
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TragicallyHipper I'm Asleep 7322 posts Mood Now:
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Yes, I am so mad at this pathetic excuse of a father!!
 I'm so happy that Julie lives with a loving family now - and has me for a friend.  Unfortunately, she is in councilling because of this, though. 
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paulgro I'm Asleep 686 posts Mood Now:
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There's a saying and you've probably heard it. "Anyone can make a child, but that doesn't make them a mother and father". This man is not a father!! I hope she comes out of this and that fool didn't ruin her life. The family she has now will help her through the rough times till she realizes she did nothing wrong…Since you care that will also be a big help too her…
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TragicallyHipper I'm Asleep 7322 posts Mood Now:
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Yeah, I definitely agree with you on that, Paul!!
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paulgro I'm Asleep 686 posts Mood Now:
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Not to be nosey but could you post an update and let us know how she's doing from time to time?? :weights:
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TragicallyHipper I'm Asleep 7322 posts Mood Now:
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Sure, not a problem at all.
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paulgro I'm Asleep 686 posts Mood Now:
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Good, always nice to hear a happy ending and she seems to have plenty of support now…:weights:
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TragicallyHipper I'm Asleep 7322 posts Mood Now:
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Oh, yeah, for sure!!
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debbey  I'm Asleep 4646 posts    Mood Now: 
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Wow… I feel bad for the older lady… she is probably a very cheerful person… and has a physical stigmatism… That's a shame, as she seems very kind…
The second person is just downright miserable and hasn't accepted her impedement… when someone approaches her… she should try to smile at the people who are quering… Geez… men have this terrible stereo type, don't they? even when they show concern, is this a 'pick up line'? That's a shame about your friend Julie, TragicallyHipper… how horrible and cruel of the father… Psychotic would be a good way to describe that loser! Hopefully, counselling will help Julie… and she is not permanently scarred and will be able to smile when she feels like it… hopefully councelling will help her to smile from her heart… Something that will always stay with me, is my Opa's love of my smile… When I was about 10, my Opa said, Geez kid, when you smile you can set the world on fire… I thought this was really nice… So if I see someone that doesn't look so happy, I smile at them… boy… it does cheer people up… It's weird but… I think this is why small children are very fond and trusting of me… I guess I seem to have a friendly smile or something… I guess, I also, love to share the sunshine  Cheers!  |
Emily_Garfunkel  I'm Asleep 6565 posts  Mood Now: 
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Does Julie's foster family have a computer?
Is she able to come here? I feel very sad for her. 
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jimbo9 I'm Asleep 12277 posts  Mood Now: 
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We certainly could give Julie alot of compassion and tlc over her. Hope her"father"rots in hell at the end of the day.Im a cheery dispositioned chap most of the time, but stoicism/sadness shoudnt be mistaken for being a louse. We all have our off days.people tend to pick up on good vibes, so a smile or a hello certainly isnt going to hurt things.
Jimbo9 |
AprilWineChick  I'm Asleep 7847 posts  Mood Now: 
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Well, threatening people into being happy is most certainly *not* going to make them happy!! I agree - I hope this father rots in hell with Cecilia R!!
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jimbo9 I'm Asleep 12277 posts Mood Now:
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Great point Amanda; threatening happiness- what an oxymoron made for morons like that guy!
jimbo9 |
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AprilWineChick I'm Asleep 7847 posts Mood Now:
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Oh, yes, for sure!!
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jimbo9 I'm Asleep 12277 posts Mood Now:
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Focus should be on helping that poor girl regain her smile after the trauma shes been through.
Jimbo9 |
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AprilWineChick I'm Asleep 7847 posts Mood Now:
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She could definitely use our support now. I know April is fine, now. I wonder how Holly is making out with her mother, now?
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