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16 people online in the last 60 minutes - 0 Canucks, 0 Canucks In Hiding and 16 Visiting Canucks. (Most ever was 233 at 09:22:13 Fri Sep 21 2007) |
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siblygirl  I'm Asleep  1000147 posts  Mood Now:  
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Dear Amy: I am 20 years old and recently finished my sophomore year of college. My parents insist on punishing me -- but never my two younger siblings. My brother is failing math, and my parents don't care if he goes out with friends and doesn't do any homework. My sister lies to my parents and breaks curfew and is still allowed to have a car at her disposal.
When I'm home, I get grounded for bringing home B's and for checking my e-mail without asking. When I point out the inconsistencies in their behavior, my parents just remind me that they're paying for my college and I should be grateful. Two weeks ago my cell phone bill was higher than normal, and my parents were livid. My sister ran up several high cell bills this time last year, and they, though mad, paid the bills. With mine, they are making me pay and are threatening to not let me go on a trip I've been looking forward to since December. I would say I deserved it had they not simply scolded my sister before paying off her bill. Now I just think it's unfair. I'm afraid to bring this up to them because I think they'll just hold college over my head. I think they honestly think they treat all of us fairly. My siblings know the truth, but they're not bothered because they've got the good side of the bargain. -- The "Bad" Daughter Dear Bad: You are 20 years old. You are on your way to becoming a grown-up. I think the fact that you are so bothered by this inequity means that you're probably too mature to be living entirely off your parents' dime. It could be time for you to assume responsibility for the part of your life that has to do with your cell phone bills and fun vacation trip. Whining about your younger siblings' privileges makes you sound, well, like a whiner. Think of it -- if you get a part-time job to pay for your own extras you remove this source of conflict from your folks and still get that free education. See, everybody wins!
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Emily_Garfunkel  I'm Asleep 6565 posts   Mood Now: 
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Well, I really don't think her parents are being very fair - but I suppose Amy does have a point, though. I think it's time for the letter-writer to move out on her own.
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paulgro  I'm Asleep 686 posts    Mood Now: 
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I think they're trying to teach their daughter responsibility just going about it the wrong way. At 20 she should be paying her phone bills and at least have a part time job since she is going to school. If she left the house tomorrow I don't think she would know what to do. Where I think the parents are wrong is grounding her. She's 20 not 10
:weights:
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Haven_Quartet I'm Asleep posts  Mood Now: 
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Well, they maybe mean well - but are just going about it the wrong way.
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jimbo9 I'm Asleep 12277 posts  Mood Now: 
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Paying your own way is responsibililty; what her parents are doing is well meant but counter productive.
Jimbo9 |
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silver_linings I'm Asleep 1745 posts   Mood Now: 
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Right, I agree!! Our parents are pretty well laid-back - but we do still have to follow rules.
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poe  I'm Asleep 673 posts  Mood Now: 
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I think some of it has to do with her being the oldest. Parents seem to expect more out of the oldest ones, especially being 20 and being an adult. My brother who is the youngest gets everything he wants. My sister almost the same. Since I"m the oldest I always get the lectures. I think a big part of helping to deal with situation like this is just to work for myself and use the money I earn to pay my bills and do what I want with my money. I've owned three cars since I was 16. My siblings have owned far more than me. When something happens to my car whether it be my fault of not
I get blamed for it. I have yet to be in an accident of my own accord (knocks on wood) and have always been extra careful when driving my parent's vehicles. Yet I am still the one that they don't trust when loaning out a vehicle. Both my brother and sister have wrecked their cars and have damaged my parent's. To me, that's unfair. But since I've been living on my own since 18 and haven't really asked to borrow too much money, when I do need help they are more willing to help me out when they can. My brother being 21 and my sister at 23, they still get whatever they want. But I guess in some ways it's alright. Cause I"ve been living on my own and paying my own way so if I don't have to talk to my parents for a few days to a couple weeks it's no big deal
I'm grown up enough to not have to rely on them too much.
I think with this girl's parents paying for college, in a way they do have something to hold over her. She's an adult and shouldn't have to whine about what her younger siblings get and she doesn't. College isn't cheap and to have parents who are willing to foot the bill and help out, that's something that should be enough to feel some sort of debt to them. The part time job idea is a great one. It shows responsibility and the parents would probably feel like she's actually taking responsibility and being coming an adult by learning to take care of her own bills and expenses of having fun.
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Hipster I'm Asleep 2438 posts 
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My mom has always tried to be fair to all of us. I really miss her.
 
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paulgro I'm Asleep 686 posts Mood Now:
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Most parents will do anything for their kids but you have to show responsibility when becoming an adult. She might try to get a job which would show her parents she was trying and they may feel that's enough and tell her not to work since she is a full time student. The point is she would be trying and that's usually all parents want to see
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TragicallyHipper  I'm Asleep 7322 posts  Mood Now: 
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Actually, it does sound to me like her parents are treating her unfairly. Yeah, they are paying for her college tuitian. What the heck is this, though, about grounding a 20-year-old and making her ask for permission to check her email. The thing is, her parents are being very inconsistent. They're expecting her to act like an adult - but, yet, they're treating her like a little kid. If they want her to act like an adult - then they should start treating her like an adult!! Also, about getting Bs, they should be trying to use positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement. Besides, not everyone can be a straight A student. Besides, how do we know that she isn't struggling to get her Bs? Not everyone has a high IQ!! I really think that her parents are being very unfair.
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AprilWineChick  I'm Asleep 7847 posts  Mood Now: 
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Yeah, I think the problem that the letter-writer has - is that she feels like she has the worst of both worlds: adult responsibilities *and* teen restrictions.
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Tangerine_Plant  I'm Asleep 2441 posts  Mood Now: 
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Yeah, I hear ya, Amanda!!
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Cecelia_Garfunkel I'm Asleep 3421 posts  Mood Now: 
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Not very good!!
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