Some time ago as I was strolling around other support forums I came across a thread started by a person in recovery from another personality disorder that really caught my attention. The was lableed, "What Do You Want to Tell the World". This spoke to me for a variety of reasons. People suffering from NPD have often sent a message of anger & fear to the world, while craving intimacy and love at deep levels I know this is true in my own case.
As I look through my history I can see places where I spent unbelievable time and energy releasing raw emotions at people who had never done anything to harm me, and in some cases didn't have a clue who I was. I can understand, to a certain point anyway, how I justified this in my mind. Soemtimes I was asking people to help me, or showing how I smart or funny I was. Unfortunately the people on the other end of the equation were not provided with a copy of the code book to understand what I was trying to say. All they saw was anger, rage, and someone who had little or no interest in communication to develop an understanding of what I was really saying. Most people didn't have the time or inclination to try and figure out what I was trying to say. The message that I sent to the world was that I was a smart person with a lot of anger, to the point of rage that concerned people because I behaved in some rather unusual ways. People found me aloof and difficult to form close lasting relationships with.
This is not the message that I want to send to the world and I have begun an conscious effort to change this. My work with my therapist and Dr. Hamilton, Healing of Persons Exceptional and Attiduinal Healing have allowed me to make significant strides in letting go of my anger and fear and learning how to give and receive love. I do not yet consider myself to be a student of love but I crave the intimacy that comes with giving and receiving love. I have always craved that,, yet the way for me to begin to learn how to do this has only recently opened for me.
In the work I do with reforming and transforming justice I came across a project known as the Impossible Promise Keepers. These are people who have made what on the surface seems to be an impossible promise to do something to change the way our justice system works to allow us to move away from demands of retribution and revenge, toward forgiveness and healing. This group comes up with ideas about incooperating forgiveness as regular part of our justice system by the year 2015, making restorative justice the first response to crime and conflict by the year 2012 ,and so on and so forth. And they don't just pull something out of thin air and say that by the grace of God and one or two small miracles this is going to happen. They make a promise to themselves to engage in action in their own life and in the wider community to make these things happen. Sometimes they meet as a group and discuss their progress and ways that they might be able to support one another.
I would like to suggest that the people in this community engage in a similiar project that I would like to suggest to be labeled, "Possible Promise Keepers." In this effort people who are working through their healing journey would make a promise that might seem impossible to themselves or others at the time, but whose focus and objective would be to make this become possible in their daily life.
I believe that if I could choose a message that I want to send to the world it would be that I care deeply about other people, the work of peace and justice is important to me, while at the same time having some fun along the journey. I want to give and receive love and I want to be able to trust people and allow myself to believe that God does indeed have a plan.
I have found two excellent guidlelines to help me in my journey toward healing. The first is the twelv principles of attitudinal healing; the second is the concept of Ubuntu as defined by Bishop Desond Tutu in his book, " No Future Without Forigveness."
"Ubuntu is very difficult to render into a Western language. It speaks of the very essence of being human. When we want to give high praise to someone we say, 'Yu, u nobuntu''Hey so-and-so has ubuntu'. Then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate. You share what you have. It is to say, 'My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours.' We belong in a bundle of life. We say, 'a person is a person through other persons.' It is not, 'I think therefore I am.' It is rather, 'I am human because I belong. I participate. I share.' A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is dimished when others are humilated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed, or treated as though they were less than who they are."
The possible promise that I am making in my life is that I will use the principles of attitudinal healing to allow me to achieve a state of living that can be described as being Ubuntu. I'm not going to put a time restriction on this, as I believe with this level of healing we progress at our own rate.
I invite others to join and share their own possible promise and together we can find ways to support each other and work to make this community and our personal lives much richer with the experience of healing.