"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." ----- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Balkhi-Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet.

"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer

"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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    weissfamily
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    Flirting ( 22:40:59 SunJan 30 2005 )

    I am currently helping train a new associate in our company who is at least 15 years younger then me. She's fresh out of school and admittedly very nice looking, but I'm really not interested. Its been a long interval between my dating periods but I still recognize the signs of a woman whose making moves on me. She sits too close to me at meetings, asks something about what I like one day and a few days later she finds a way to bring this to me, and she constantly invites me out for drinks. Others in the office have noticed and their reaction varies between thinking its cute and I should play along, to appearing to believe I'm in some way leading her on. Both responses tick the heck out of me because I really don't want an intimate relationship with anyone at this stage in my life, much to my kids sorrow.

    I want to have a strictly business relationship but I feel as though I'm walking on eggshells. If I reject her I fear she'll think I've done something to harm her, and I lead her on it will predictably end in disaster. I'm too old for this kind of sh-t. If I wanted a relationship it would be with someone mature. I need a way of getting out of this with both of us able to respect the other, ASAP.

      
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    gailabelle
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    Re: Flirting ( 19:35:54 MonJan 31 2005 )

    Humm, I lean towards suggesting you talk to her privately and honestly. Perhaps let her know that while you think she is attractive, you are not interested in any sort of relationship at this time and that her moves are making you uncomfortable but you do not want to hurt her feelings. It's possible you might be reading her wrong and if so this type converstation could clear that up as well. In general, I find going to to source and discussing what it is that is making me uncomfortable usually works best to resolve it.



    ---
    Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.--Michael Pritchard
     
     
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    jimmie
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    Re: Flirting ( 00:58:40 TueFeb 1 2005 )

    Weiss, could it be you are misreading her intentions? Maybe she has some issues with boundaries (who dosen't ? ) and would benefit from a fatherly talk rather than a nasty scolding.

    jimmie

      
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    speerflaura
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    Re: Flirting ( 13:59:50 TueFeb 1 2005 )

    Act your age. Look dignified. Mention your stodgy tv-viewing habits. Introduce her to some studly men her own age.

      
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    Beloved and che

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    Re: Flirting ( 15:37:31 TueFeb 1 2005 )

    She could just be after the attention. I know I am a huge flirt and have unintentionally caused situations like this to happen. Are you the only one she behaves like this with, or is she just a flirty person?

    Has she ever actually made a pass at you? Although flattering, I understand how uncomfortable this can make a person. Next time something happens, and you can do so discreetly, just mention that her behavior makes you uncomfortable. And make sure you let her know you are very unavailable.

    Take care,

    Mel

      
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    malison
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    Re: Flirting ( 01:45:05 WedFeb 2 2005 )

    If you explain to her nicely the flirting is making you uncomfortable, she will probably understand and back right off. But you don't know til you try. If you tell her that, and she denies that it is flirting at all, and continues... then you may have a problem. Especially in an open environment like an office, where privacy is difficult. I can understand your discomfort.

      
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    weissfamily
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    Re: Flirting ( 19:33:21 WedFeb 2 2005 )

    When one suggests my age are you saying act my physical age or my mental age? There are times when the world is at its worst and I feel 101, and there other times when the inner child is in charge and I feel 3. I told my son this the other day and he say it creates a problem for him because he never knows if my diapers need changing or my dentures need cleaning. :biggrin:

    There is so much turmoil inside me over something as simple as handling a little flirting that the inner child and ego must be in control. I'm going to try and talk with her later today. Wish me well.

      
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    speerflaura
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    Re: Flirting ( 19:57:39 WedFeb 2 2005 )

    I meant: emphasize the 15-year-age difference. However young at heart you may feel at times, put on an act and pull rank.

      
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    The Healing Narcissism And Disorders of the Self Community is not affiliated in any way with any mental health professional or agency. The advice given is from personal experience and should never be used as a replacement for therapy from a qualified licensed professional. If you are having a real life emergency and live in the United States please call your doctor or 9-1-1.